Here's my two containers of ink that I have to spill on the subject. I went back to Shanghai, the city that I grew up in, for what feels like the last time. It was more than a week after graduating and it already felt different being back though I've been back a few times since I moved to Taipei.
The most mundane and meaningless things can take on intense nostalgic value when we see them refracted through time. A 2nd grade vocabulary workbook that was once homework that had to be slogged through now brings a wry smile to my face as the memory of the effort I put in springs in my mind. My viola reminds me of my being awful at playing the viola and having my teacher bring me to tears is pretty funny now and was only part of a process that built up my resilience. There are also other things that we see differently.
Letters, gifts, mementos that meant the world to you at the time that you stashed in a homemade treasure chest that was worth more than its weight in gold. I was rummaging through stuff deciding what to toss away as my family leaves the city I grew up in and found a folder that I used as one of these treasure chests. Though I wanted to open it and read through the items, I decided not to. I want some more time to pass by because I received things from friends whom I no longer keep in touch with and rifling through them will bring up memories and feelings I am not yet ready to face. I wonder if we all go through this phase where we want to reach out to these folks to reconnect. I have the usual worries: are they so wrapped up in their life that they don't have time for someone from the past? are the memories we share as precious to them as they are to me? I hope to reach out to them in a few years - one of them encouraged me to start me first blog in high school.
It's one of the peculiarities in life that while we may have those moments in our youth where we wished to grow up and take on real responsibilities and live out our dreams (to be an astronaut, or a diplomat!), we inevitably wish to return to those halcyon, carefree days when we're older. College and life teaches you that the problems of the world are so very complex and nuanced and people bring their conflicting perspectives that make working together and relationships quite difficult. With the negative comes the positives of love, entertainment, family, the times when you work together to actually create a practical solution and more. But we all have those times where we just want to crawl in our blanket and travel back in time to a simpler time. Ironically, I'm about to get a watch from my parents. It feels like it's now that I'm on a clock, that each moment matters in the real world.
It's after college that almost everyone is forced into a situation where they have to make friends without any institutional support and make a living for themselves without any guidance. The early 20s! Most of the friends and classmates that you see in the years to come will be seen in snapshots - reunions, chance encounters, weddings, birthdays. Can't really knock on someone's dorm door late at night just wanting to chat and dream about the future anymore. The truth may be that we're all terrified, even the ones that are cocksure and on the partner-track at a prestigious consulting firm, but that isn't quite as reassuring. Guess we just have to bravely take one step at a time into the future we were so certain we would fulfill when were young slowly has its impenetrable fog retracts.
The most mundane and meaningless things can take on intense nostalgic value when we see them refracted through time. A 2nd grade vocabulary workbook that was once homework that had to be slogged through now brings a wry smile to my face as the memory of the effort I put in springs in my mind. My viola reminds me of my being awful at playing the viola and having my teacher bring me to tears is pretty funny now and was only part of a process that built up my resilience. There are also other things that we see differently.
Letters, gifts, mementos that meant the world to you at the time that you stashed in a homemade treasure chest that was worth more than its weight in gold. I was rummaging through stuff deciding what to toss away as my family leaves the city I grew up in and found a folder that I used as one of these treasure chests. Though I wanted to open it and read through the items, I decided not to. I want some more time to pass by because I received things from friends whom I no longer keep in touch with and rifling through them will bring up memories and feelings I am not yet ready to face. I wonder if we all go through this phase where we want to reach out to these folks to reconnect. I have the usual worries: are they so wrapped up in their life that they don't have time for someone from the past? are the memories we share as precious to them as they are to me? I hope to reach out to them in a few years - one of them encouraged me to start me first blog in high school.
It's one of the peculiarities in life that while we may have those moments in our youth where we wished to grow up and take on real responsibilities and live out our dreams (to be an astronaut, or a diplomat!), we inevitably wish to return to those halcyon, carefree days when we're older. College and life teaches you that the problems of the world are so very complex and nuanced and people bring their conflicting perspectives that make working together and relationships quite difficult. With the negative comes the positives of love, entertainment, family, the times when you work together to actually create a practical solution and more. But we all have those times where we just want to crawl in our blanket and travel back in time to a simpler time. Ironically, I'm about to get a watch from my parents. It feels like it's now that I'm on a clock, that each moment matters in the real world.
It's after college that almost everyone is forced into a situation where they have to make friends without any institutional support and make a living for themselves without any guidance. The early 20s! Most of the friends and classmates that you see in the years to come will be seen in snapshots - reunions, chance encounters, weddings, birthdays. Can't really knock on someone's dorm door late at night just wanting to chat and dream about the future anymore. The truth may be that we're all terrified, even the ones that are cocksure and on the partner-track at a prestigious consulting firm, but that isn't quite as reassuring. Guess we just have to bravely take one step at a time into the future we were so certain we would fulfill when were young slowly has its impenetrable fog retracts.
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